The 1334 Podcast

Breaking Free | Keaton Hayes

Episode Summary

In this powerful episode, I sit down with Keaton Hayes, who found freedom from drug addiction through Faith Farm in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Keaton shares his raw and honest story—how he spiraled into opioid addiction, the struggles of withdrawal, and the redemption he found through faith-based rehab. If you or someone you love is battling substance abuse, this episode is a must-listen. We discuss the opioid crisis, rehab facilities, drug recovery programs, and the role of nonprofits in addiction recovery.

Episode Notes

Podcast Notes:

Timestamps:

00:00 – Introduction: Meet Keaton Hayes
02:15 – Keaton’s first exposure to drugs in high school
05:30 – The path to opioid addiction: from recreational use to dependency
10:45 – The harsh reality of opioid withdrawal ("dope sick" explained)
15:00 – Losing everything: theft, jail, and homelessness
20:30 – How Keaton found Faith Farm and started rehab
25:45 – The emotional turning point in his recovery
30:20 – Rehab statistics: why most people don’t make it through
35:10 – The power of faith in overcoming addiction
40:15 – Advice for anyone struggling with drug abuse
45:30 – Keaton’s life now and staying clean

Episode Transcription

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:30:21

Unknown

It's great that you're doing that. Oh, dude, I'm a caffeine freak. I'll be all right. I'll be sleep by 930 tonight. It'll be okay. I used to, like, go to the gym late. Like I used to go, like, 9:00, bro. When I worked at Fedex, I would slam pre-workout at 9:00 at night, go to the gym, come back home, eat, shower first.

 

00:00:30:23 - 00:00:56:15

Unknown

Make sense? I don't know, got a high tolerance for what I'm saying, but, So to start, I really want to start at the beginning is the whole idea is, I want to share your journey through the faith bar. Okay. But in order to do that effectively, I think, we should kind of paint a picture of where you were first.

 

00:00:56:17 - 00:01:32:05

Unknown

Where where did it start when your journey started? Probably. I mean, really, the first time I ever did anything like that, I was in ninth grade. Once I started smoking weed, and I really wasn't, like, a pothead then. I just had smoked and dabbled. You know what I mean? My summer going to. No, I started smoking weed in the summer, going to ninth grade in the summer, going to 10th grade was the first time I was introduced to cocaine.

 

00:01:32:07 - 00:01:51:18

Unknown

And like, I wasn't, like, smoking weed all the time. Like, that was the only time I had ever done cocaine at that point. You know what I'm saying? But I think around 11th grade is when I really started, like, partying, like experimenting with all kinds of drugs. So, you know, weed, little, little ecstasy. Xanax bars were big when I was in school.

 

00:01:51:18 - 00:02:15:12

Unknown

Then. And I was kind of it really till after I graduated. After I graduated. And when I started doing opiates. And that's when that's when things got real. I started out with Roxy, you know, Rockstar for. They were pretty big around here. I knew a ton of people in high school were doing all I'd never done because I was always like, that's crazy.

 

00:02:15:12 - 00:02:35:10

Unknown

You got to get addicted. Like, what are you doing? You know what I'm saying? But, I was doing everything else in a sense. What is it? It's, it's like oxy, but, yeah, it's 30mg. It's like a the. But they were made originally made for cancer patients. Like, it's a pain meds. What it is. Oh, yeah.

 

00:02:35:10 - 00:02:54:05

Unknown

It's like a little tiny blue pill. It's called blues. Yeah. What I'm saying, they were expensive to me, and they're like, $30 a pop. Yeah. And then. Then eventually it went up to. I was paying 40. I'd pay 50 if I had to, you know what I'm saying now. Yeah. How do you board? Because I'm educated in district one now.

 

00:02:54:09 - 00:03:12:04

Unknown

Well, when I started, I would do, like, one every now and then. You know what? I'm saying? But I know the first time I did them, it was different from any other drug I've ever done. I knew I was like, I like this feeling, you know what I'm saying? Opiates in general. Yeah. What's different about. So, like, I'm a I guess you could say I'm a downer guy.

 

00:03:12:06 - 00:03:32:11

Unknown

So like, like cocaine and stuff like that. I mean, in ecstasy, like their uppers, they're like party drugs. Really. So, like, throughout heavy drinking at the bars or at parties or something, you know, you might pop ecstasy or do some cocaine, man, it keeps you up. It keeps you going. You know what I'm saying? You're not, like, sloppy drunk where?

 

00:03:32:11 - 00:03:57:06

Unknown

You're here at a party. But opiates, on the other hand, it's a it's a slow ride, man. Like you're just chilling. We can't get in faded. We were trying to catch a nod. So that's the pills I like or the drugs I make you not out, you know, like, be like a zombie. Pretty much. That's. That's the feeling that I was chasing.

 

00:03:57:07 - 00:04:16:19

Unknown

Crazy. Not the first time I ever did them. I got sick, I got sick of every throw up. I was sick, sick. But eventually, you know, my tolerance. Okay? So I just kept doing so. Started. I started doing drugs in 2015. And for a while, like I said, it was every now and then and then it was daily.

 

00:04:16:20 - 00:04:37:06

Unknown

And then it was, you know, I knew a bunch of drug dealers. I was like, hey, you know, let me get some target pay. And then eventually when I got paid, I'd already be out of money. I had to start it over again. SSL weed and I would sell pills so that I could afford my habits. What do you think?

 

00:04:37:08 - 00:05:06:07

Unknown

I mean, I plan on asking this, but let me think about, like, you're saying that opiates and everything are down. What do you think? Because there's a huge opioid epidemic right now, right. And there's a million reasons why. So what do you think leads people to want to to end up chasing those over? I think I think it's appropriate.

 

00:05:06:07 - 00:05:28:17

Unknown

Sane man. I know, I know people that just can't drink, you know what I'm saying? And I know people that, you know, when they do cocaine, they they they go for days, you know what I mean? It's a preference thing. I think I just, I prefer to be down. Do you think what? But I mean, like, you've got millions of people addicted to America

 

00:05:28:17 - 00:05:29:17

Unknown

or war.

 

00:05:29:17 - 00:05:47:07

Unknown

A lot of people. What happens to the body with a of these people? They get prescribed them at some point. Right. What happens to the body when you're taking these pills as your body becomes dependent on it? That's what I was doing to myself, you know, I was doing it recreationally. Have you ever heard the term being dopesick?

 

00:05:47:09 - 00:06:09:00

Unknown

So, like, one day I woke up and I just didn't feel right. When I say six, six, I just didn't feel right. And then I noticed when I got. I feel like Superman. You know, eventually that built up to where I couldn't sleep. My legs were hurt. I've had. I'd be I could be in the middle of the sun at 100.

 

00:06:09:00 - 00:06:33:01

Unknown

You whether we're wearing a hoodie, sweating. But I'm cold and I'm cold. Chills. Yeah. You don't want to eat. You feel sick. Like sick until. Until you got it. So I think a lot of people end up doing that unintentionally because they just had a surgery, or their doctor gave it to them and their their body just needs it because the doctor refilled a prescription six times.

 

00:06:33:01 - 00:06:34:07

Unknown

You know what I mean? I bet

 

00:06:34:07 - 00:06:51:12

Unknown

I bet you will do it unintentionally, but recreationally, like you did, where you're like, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, I'm sure that happens sometimes. I forgot it. Yeah, well, that was pretty good. I'll try it again. And then before they know it then is there is stuff I used to find people with, with prescriptions of them.

 

00:06:51:14 - 00:07:08:15

Unknown

And, maybe you want to get rid of them because I take you and it makes me sick. Either way, it makes me feel they were getting high. I just didn't know it. You know what I mean? And it's a it's a weird thing. It's, Right. So I'm just one of the guys that liked it, but I like the feeling.

 

00:07:08:15 - 00:07:31:08

Unknown

So that's where that went. Where did you where did you end up? Like you started ninth grade just with weed. And then by the time you're graduating, you're trying to find some more pills or what? Where did you end up before you realized that something had changed? Oh, I knew for a long time that something needed to change.

 

00:07:31:08 - 00:07:50:14

Unknown

Like, I knew when I was smoking weed in ninth grade that this wasn't a good thing. You know what I mean? But anybody talked to you about an addiction and all that? They always tell you, like I had to find my rock bottom. You know what I mean? And unfortunately for me, it took. Over three years to get there.

 

00:07:50:16 - 00:08:08:23

Unknown

Then it was a slow but steady spiral. You know what I mean? Like I said before, already like, it went from, you know, buying a few a day to eventually I was getting give them to me, then paying them back and then by the time I paid them back, I ain't had no money. So be honest with you, bro.

 

00:08:09:02 - 00:08:28:18

Unknown

I was a thief. That's what I did. That was my thing. A lot of people have their own things. How they get money. I was taking it or. Yeah, money. I'll take stuff from your house. Go pawn it. You know what I'm saying? I'm probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of addicts, we're we're like master manipulators, bro.

 

00:08:28:20 - 00:08:44:04

Unknown

I can. I'm like, I know you see me at work, right? Like I'm good at talking to people. You know what I'm saying? I was good at talking to people. Then, I could I could probably get a stranger to give me $100 in five minutes if I needed to, you know what I mean? You just. It sounds kind of bad, but you just.

 

00:08:44:06 - 00:09:00:06

Unknown

You figure it out as you go, like, I'm going to get this money somehow, you know, toys in your body crate, right? Right. Well, I hate I hate that you didn't have a choice thing, because we did. But it is crazy, though, if I could explain it, the best way is

 

00:09:00:06 - 00:09:03:23

Unknown

I didn't care while I was doing it right.

 

00:09:04:01 - 00:09:24:17

Unknown

But once, once I stole something or got money for something to somebody, for something. You go, you know, you get your pills and you get. And after, when you're coming down, man, you feel like I felt remorse every single time. It was terrible. And, a lot of, I mean, a lot of addicts are depressed, too. Is like, I was depressed.

 

00:09:24:17 - 00:09:39:01

Unknown

Like, it's not a good feeling, you know what I mean? Like, I just loved my grandma into some crazy story. And so she gave me $100, and all I did was go get her. And now I don't have any money, any gas. I just asked her for money. You know what I'm saying? You think something's up, but it was,

 

00:09:39:03 - 00:09:40:18

Unknown

It's exhausting. Dude,

 

00:09:40:18 - 00:09:55:01

Unknown

I would wake up in the morning of the thing on my mind would be. How am I gonna get how today? What am I going to do? Can I find something to take? Can I get the money for somebody? Something? It's a never ending cycle. Dude. This sucked. It sucked. But,

 

00:09:55:01 - 00:10:14:14

Unknown

eventually it just. Because up to you at some point. After as soon as I graduate, I went to go live with my grandma because my mom, she she bounced, like, just like that. You know what I'm saying? I was 18 year old kid. I know I was doing, you know what I mean?

 

00:10:14:14 - 00:10:35:02

Unknown

I was working running food here at Harvest Moon Row, you know, bar back. And that's all I was doing. I couldn't afford to live by myself. So my grandma's really my favorite person on the planet, bro. But she, she took me in then, and, I don't know, I wasn't angry, I was angry, too. I was an angry person.

 

00:10:35:04 - 00:10:50:06

Unknown

I didn't my mom never sucked. It really kind of messed me up, you know what I'm saying? So I didn't care about anything. I would just go to work and I would party. That's it. To that easy to come. Easy. I think that's part of it. Yeah. A lot of,

 

00:10:50:06 - 00:10:52:15

Unknown

all we're trying to do is fill the void, man.

 

00:10:52:16 - 00:11:09:23

Unknown

You know, we're empty somewhere. Some. And I didn't realize this till I went through the program we're going to talk about, but raw. Something happened to us at some point, you know, and it kind of messes up. So we're trying to fill that void. We're just filling it with the wrong thing. Like when your how you're trying to escape reality so you don't have to.

 

00:11:10:01 - 00:11:19:13

Unknown

When I would get home and nothing mattered at that moment except that I was. That's it. And I felt good. Like it's. It'd be a lie to say like, oh, I didn't like it. I liked it, you know what I'm saying? We all did

 

00:11:19:13 - 00:11:24:17

Unknown

the right thing with it, right? I hate the, the same thing.

 

00:11:24:18 - 00:11:47:12

Unknown

Like. No, everyone likes their food. That's right. That's all. We do it. Yeah. But, yeah. So, like I said, eventually, you know, I was ran out of money, and then, I said I was a thief, so I've been to stuff like that. Catches up to you, you know what I mean? So, I went to jail.

 

00:11:47:14 - 00:12:06:22

Unknown

It's like, as art tober, 17. I went to jail. Then, my dad came pick me up when I got out. Now, something to do with the house? Kind of. Yeah. That's a lost in a whole nother story. I can't charge you anyway, when Joe. So my dad ended up. So I was out there.

 

00:12:06:22 - 00:12:19:17

Unknown

I had to go to court and all that. Then eventually, my dad came and got me. I don't know who it was. You told me to roll up, and I was like, all right, cool. So get out of here. Unless my dad. Which is crazy because me and my dad were close in high school, but we we just grew apart.

 

00:12:19:19 - 00:12:37:19

Unknown

Not really him. It was me, you know what I'm saying? Because he was a strict parent. I mean, I'm going to go to a party if I was over there herself. So, Parents. Yeah, they were divorced. Oh, baby. Yeah. I never seen them together. Yeah. We had, like, every other weekend, that dad type thing, you know what I mean?

 

00:12:37:21 - 00:12:59:13

Unknown

But, no, I mean, I walked out the jail, and he was there, and, he he wasn't aware at the time. He thought I got in trouble for, selling drugs because somebody had told him that's what I was doing. Because I was doing that. I done that in high school, which is where I'm in, like a major drug dealer, you know what I'm saying?

 

00:12:59:14 - 00:13:22:07

Unknown

But I sold a bunch of weed and a bunch of pills. And then eventually I'll sell a little cocaine out all this stuff, it just in stages just gets worse and worse, you know what I mean? We thought I got busted for something. They like to walk out and see them, not realizing. And that's when he, excuse my language, but it was like, oh, shit, this is crazy.

 

00:13:22:11 - 00:13:51:17

Unknown

You know what I'm saying? Bad. Not like I was surprised. I didn't, that's really all exactly what I thought. So serious. Exactly what I thought. Because, I think from the time I graduated, up until this point, I was like, 3 or 4 years later, I. I'd maybe seen him five times. Yeah. That's it. I was I was out there, but now is my best friend now, you know what I'm saying?

 

00:13:51:17 - 00:14:12:07

Unknown

Like, we're tight. We're cool. That's my boy. But, yeah, he picks me up from jail, man. And, he was like, okay, well, where are you going? I was like, I don't know, I guess I'll go back to Nanna's, you know what I'm saying? We pulled up in her driveway and, like, all my stuff on the front porch, I packed, and, that was kind of.

 

00:14:12:09 - 00:14:31:05

Unknown

That was kind of heartbreaking. You know, like I said, we were addicts are depressed, bro. And as for stuff like that. But it's my own fault, you know what I'm saying? But yeah. So I was like, wow, I don't know what I'm going to do. And, I don't feel like seeing your best friend buys your stuff.

 

00:14:31:07 - 00:14:56:02

Unknown

So it's a terrible feeling, man. It's. It's a terrible feeling. But, But, you know, my dad loved me, so. Yeah. Like I say, I didn't know what was going on all the way. So he let me he let me come stay with him, and, you know, my stepmom, the model, remarried. I was, like, seventh grade.

 

00:14:56:04 - 00:15:14:00

Unknown

She was always cool, you know what I'm saying? No problem or nothing. Yeah. Yeah. But, I knew I knew there would be rules over there, you know what I mean? That was my thing. Like, I know there'll be rules, but, like, at this point, I didn't have a car. I don't have a job.

 

00:15:14:02 - 00:15:34:01

Unknown

I don't have anything, man. I had a job, and it was. I was shucking oysters at age, you know what I'm saying? For like $140 a week. You know, I'm saying that's not a job. But I went to go live with them, and, actually got fired from ages. Really? Yeah. Like, yeah. Like two weeks later, bro.

 

00:15:34:03 - 00:15:55:16

Unknown

I was, like, pretty much jobless. I called my old boss that I used to job for Fedex before, but, I called him and he gave me a job back. So I started working at Fedex again driving trucks, man. And, it was during it was there the Christmas season, so was busy. And then Christmas season ended.

 

00:15:55:18 - 00:16:16:03

Unknown

Then I got fired again. Yeah, pretty much also because I was I was doing crazy stuff out there. Like I was so serious, like, it's not funny, but I was doing crazy stuff out there and like, they can watch you and stuff, man. Like, I would go to cordial and, like, turn off my scanner, the GPS and come back to Albany and, yeah, get pills and stuff.

 

00:16:16:03 - 00:16:36:12

Unknown

Man. It was crazy, bro. Is it true for the pharmacist for this, or is it, stuff? You guys, it's not everybody, actually, you know, working at Fedex again, when I came back and I was a great driver then. Yeah. Oh, when you came back? Yeah, I came back. Yeah. But, always work, though, you know what I'm saying?

 

00:16:36:12 - 00:16:55:14

Unknown

I wasn't, I guess, you know, they say like a functioning alcoholic. I was a functioning opiate addict. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's how I don't know. Not a lot. A lot of them that I've seen all work like doing odd jobs and stuff where they can leave as they please and all that get paid cash, you know what I'm saying?

 

00:16:55:14 - 00:17:14:16

Unknown

The boss man's route. So we give you some money for needed that title. You see a lot of that? Yeah. Not a lot of us working at Fedex, but, Yeah, I got fired from there. And then another I got ended up getting picked up by another contractor there. So I was right back in like two weeks later.

 

00:17:14:16 - 00:17:42:09

Unknown

But during that time when we had me money, I started stealing stuff from the house, you know what I'm saying? I'll take guns. Yeah. Guns, man. Yeah. You used to get $75 for any cooler, man. Yeah. And then when I would get paid, I would get the stuff back. But then, like, power tools, all that, and then eventually I remember one day my dad pick me up and I'd run around, and I he was he was pissed, right.

 

00:17:42:11 - 00:17:59:14

Unknown

And, he looked at me and I was like, where's all my stuff at? I was like, you know, I you know, he told me, man. So we ended up, he ended up taking mine. I told him, well, they got me wrong. I was, I was honest, like, I was honest. That could be. You know what I mean?

 

00:17:59:14 - 00:18:20:03

Unknown

Like, I would tell you, so he took me out there to the pawn shop that took him to bro. And, like, cause this whole scene and, you know. Yeah, I'm. I'm not mad at him for. You know what I mean? The he told me he was like, you know, your next paycheck, you better get all my stuff out or, you know, say, I'll call the cops, I'll do it.

 

00:18:20:03 - 00:18:28:15

Unknown

I was like, okay, cool. So I did it, got all the stuff back. I think it went like two weeks. And then I took it all back again. Yeah.

 

00:18:28:15 - 00:18:41:09

Unknown

He had the most messed up thing was I took this guitar that I didn't know where it was from. I just found it. But it belonged to my stepmom's father, who was passed away.

 

00:18:41:11 - 00:19:03:09

Unknown

So that was pretty. That was pretty bad thing to do. Once they found out I was terrible back. No. Too late. Yeah. Once my dad found out that I took all this stuff again, man, he was like, you got to go. It was like 930 at night. Random night. I had another buddy of mine at did Drugs come pick me up with a bag, man.

 

00:19:03:09 - 00:19:05:04

Unknown

So staying in Dawson,

 

00:19:05:04 - 00:19:21:09

Unknown

and that didn't last long because he was he was working on his plantation or whatever. So he was one of the people out there anyway, so he called me one day. I was, hey, man, you can't come back out here, so I don't know what to do. I was working, I was driving, I was on route.

 

00:19:21:09 - 00:19:44:18

Unknown

Then, so I called. Oh, I didn't call then. I finished work and all that. If for some reason, when I got back, my boss, I had to go help somebody else, I was like, I can't, I gotta, I gotta figure something out, bro. You know what I mean? So I was driving around in my dad's truck and he was like, blown me.

 

00:19:44:18 - 00:20:03:19

Unknown

Yeah, it was like 10:00 at this. I just, I was driving around the whole city, just driving around. I was like, crying, you know what I mean? And then he kept blowing me. I was like, can you, like, just bring my truck? You know what I'm saying? And stuff like that. But I called my mom cause I knew I knew she would talk to Nana, but I told her then like,

 

00:20:03:19 - 00:20:04:10

Unknown

that was it, bro.

 

00:20:04:10 - 00:20:15:22

Unknown

I was I was 22 years old, I was homeless. I don't have anything, bro. I had that bag. That's all I had, man. That's been to take this truck back. I don't know what. I don't know what my next move was, bro.

 

00:20:15:22 - 00:20:23:13

Unknown

You know, Blake, that we work with my buddy Blake. I, the last night I stayed here, he let me stay with him.

 

00:20:23:15 - 00:20:25:14

Unknown

Yeah.

 

00:20:25:14 - 00:20:37:14

Unknown

But I just. I call my mom, I pulled over, I was on Dawson Road and pulled over in the Big Lots parking lot. And then my call mom was like, hey, I've got to get out of here. You know what I mean?

 

00:20:40:17 - 00:20:59:15

Unknown

I was that's a tough conversation to have with your parents, you know what I'm saying? I mean, but it's not like they were surprised, you know what I mean? I just how do they go? Which is like. Oh, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. See, she's like, we'll figure it out. I don't know when or how or what.

 

00:20:59:21 - 00:21:17:17

Unknown

We'll figure it out. And, but there's always. But you can't come here. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So. Which I don't blame a man, you know what I'm saying? I was almost, I'm going to stop. You know what I'm saying? I'm good of you. How? And I'm saying that. You know what I mean? I mean, at this point, I think you're going to grab some.

 

00:21:17:19 - 00:21:25:00

Unknown

Yeah, probably leave her somewhere just to eat and sleep and take something. Which I don't blame them. Is is what it is.

 

00:21:25:00 - 00:21:50:02

Unknown

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00:21:50:02 - 00:21:57:23

Unknown

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00:21:57:23 - 00:22:20:09

Unknown

I call Blake. I'm just like, hey, man, I need a place to stay. Just for tonight. So he let me come over there, ended up, he let me say that I talked to him that night. You know what I'm saying? Damn. We got up in the morning, went to church with him. This is when he was at this church right over here.

 

00:22:20:11 - 00:22:40:11

Unknown

He's like the youth pastor there or something, I don't know, but I was so sick in there, bro, I, I called my mom and told her I was like, I just kind of come. Can I come stay there for the day or something? You know what I'm saying? And I'll figure something out. And, I think I did something like 8:00 that night before,

 

00:22:40:11 - 00:22:41:16

Unknown

so it didn't take.

 

00:22:41:16 - 00:22:50:13

Unknown

It didn't take long for me, bro. I was, I had I had hit a pill every four hours earlier. Yeah. Like, I was doing a lot,

 

00:22:50:13 - 00:23:02:11

Unknown

at least for poverty. Did you were you ever in a tight spot in some random cause I've seen, like, parties. Ask is like a random drug. Yeah. Yeah, I know it's not like, new.

 

00:23:02:13 - 00:23:27:14

Unknown

Yeah, but it's really, you know, it's all over the internet right now. Guys like open aerosol cans and stuff. But I never did that. I never did that. I never like, do any, like, crazy, crazy dry like never smoked crack or anything like that. In the worst, like I would if I couldn't find pills like someone I just couldn't find them in, I would do, I mean, I would, I would get heroin here.

 

00:23:27:16 - 00:23:40:11

Unknown

I couldn't find anything like that. I did this, I did this one time, and, like, you know, they always say you can't do it. Do it. One time I did it. One time I was I snorted like, a little bit of meth one time. Yeah. And it's it wasn't for me. I knew I was like, I don't want that.

 

00:23:40:13 - 00:24:00:22

Unknown

And so I would be dope sick and talk and figure it out. Really? Yeah. Any any opiate. I don't care if it was a perfect ten. Let me get it for, you know what I'm saying? But, yeah, I call my mom. I said, I'm sure it was so dope sick, man. And like I said, I could talk anybody in anything.

 

00:24:00:22 - 00:24:11:05

Unknown

You were that sick, like, 12 hours later? Yeah. I was, like, sweating. My body hurt like, you know, it's like you feel like you had the flu, but feels like it's just miserable.

 

00:24:11:05 - 00:24:19:15

Unknown

So I call my mom, just come get me, like, just come for. Just come stay for the day, you know what I mean? That's what I did.

 

00:24:19:17 - 00:24:39:11

Unknown

Ended up taking a handful of hydros out of the cabinet, just so I could feel all right. And, we all sat there and talked, and they, my mom had said Hardy. Hardy found faithful, and I ended up going to. She already found it. She was like, I just got to get Tom to take you there.

 

00:24:39:13 - 00:25:01:21

Unknown

So that happened at work. Did she call and be like, hey, my son needs to go here or. Yeah, there was a guy here. I'm going to go into too much detail with him. He I don't know what he's doing now, but he he went there first before and he would bring people from here. There. Yeah. That's how she heard about I guess one of her friends knew him or something.

 

00:25:02:00 - 00:25:21:00

Unknown

So she had called him to get my info and they called me that next day. Okay. And, they're like an application process. Yeah. Sort of. They don't really. You don't have to do it. You can just call them and, they pretty much accept anybody, because there's like a $100 processing fee or whatever, but you don't have to pay it either if you don't have it.

 

00:25:21:00 - 00:25:35:14

Unknown

It's just, I guess, like it's one off donations. So they get it from where they can, but, yeah, I talked to the guy on the phone and,

 

00:25:35:16 - 00:25:39:15

Unknown

Four days later, I'm on the way to, Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Dude,

 

00:25:39:15 - 00:25:54:06

Unknown

really? Yeah. They let me stay there. Was crazy. When I was staying there. I would tell them, I would I would convince them to take me to go get a pill. Yeah, because I'd be like, yeah. I was like, I'm going to be sick. That would be miserable.

 

00:25:54:06 - 00:25:55:06

Unknown

And I was like,

 

00:25:55:06 - 00:26:11:05

Unknown

I told Fred I was probably one of the worst has ever said to my grandma. I was like, you can either. You can either give it to me and take me, or I'm still going to do it. I'm going to do it. Yeah, yeah, it was I was wrong, which is pretty terrible.

 

00:26:11:05 - 00:26:15:12

Unknown

But, you know, so messed up at that point.

 

00:26:15:14 - 00:26:17:19

Unknown

So they would take me. Man, are you supposed to be Doc's

 

00:26:17:19 - 00:26:33:04

Unknown

for it? Yeah. You're supposed to detox for sure. I didn't I didn't have time. I had to go, bro. So a lot of times if you go, if you're from far away, man, and you show up, they're not detox. They'll they'll send you to detox there.

 

00:26:33:06 - 00:26:45:13

Unknown

I'll take you to come pick you up. Yeah. I just told them I was detox. I don't know if they will let me in or not. Oh, really? Yeah. I was like, You talk some good. Let's go.

 

00:26:45:13 - 00:26:50:10

Unknown

So I remember, I remember that I was it was a Saturday that I went on a, that Friday.

 

00:26:50:10 - 00:27:14:15

Unknown

Man, I'd already quit my job at Fedex. I told my boss what was up, and, my grandma took me to go get my last check. So I was supposed to pay the $100 to get in and, like, give my mom gas money. Dude, that I took that whole check, convinced my grandma. Let me go cash it, and then convince her that I was just going to go get one more.

 

00:27:14:16 - 00:27:25:12

Unknown

One more pill. You know what I'm saying, bro? I spent $600 right there. That instant spin, it. Yeah, I was I'm getting high the whole day, I don't care.

 

00:27:25:12 - 00:27:42:12

Unknown

And then that, that same night, I said about it, everybody, my dad, My dad actually took me out to go eat in. Like I said, I'm so messed up, and I had the drug.

 

00:27:42:12 - 00:27:54:20

Unknown

I had the doughboy pull up to my house while I was there that, like, I was on a phone call. You know what I'm saying? I had I have put money in the mailbox for love, for my homeboys to come get it and go get it and bring it back, you know what I mean?

 

00:27:54:20 - 00:27:55:19

Unknown

So I was out the house, man.

 

00:27:55:19 - 00:28:17:02

Unknown

They were. They would lock the doors and I take the keys to sleep with them. It was crazy. That's not funny. Don't know why I laughed, but it was crazy, man. But, yeah, that dinner, that was the worst dinner in my life, dude. Like I was sitting there. I just cried. Yeah. Because of the man or just over one person I think was,

 

00:28:17:04 - 00:28:25:15

Unknown

I think the worst thing was, like, I just feel like the, the biggest disappointment of science and, success sucks.

 

00:28:25:15 - 00:28:41:17

Unknown

And, like, I mean, I already hurt them a lot, I just. And if I don't know, man, I just can't be. They still want to be, you know, even take me to go anywhere. You know, I'm saying. But, we were there.

 

00:28:41:19 - 00:28:59:14

Unknown

Yeah. But, Yeah, man. After that, I spent my last, like, $20 on some weed. Got went to the house. Taking my clothes, man. And the, the next morning, he was out of there. Dude.

 

00:28:59:14 - 00:29:15:12

Unknown

So on the way to Florida, I was like, okay, eight hours, bro, but I remember I told my mom in the car, like I said, I still had stuff left over, so I was smoking weed and storing pills in the car when my mom was just super upset.

 

00:29:15:14 - 00:29:25:09

Unknown

Yeah. I was like, I mean, what are you going to do, not take me? You know what I'm saying? Let's just go. I was just mad to say, but his car would be a lot better if I can do this. So

 

00:29:25:09 - 00:29:30:21

Unknown

we went, man, we made it.

 

00:29:30:23 - 00:29:52:04

Unknown

I remember one of the main thing I remember. It's crazy. It's like a different world down there, right? So the temperature and everything was. It was cold here I was in a hoodie and I. Sweatpants and all that. Right? God, I mean, it was so hot. I remember being so hot. And she took me to this Mexican place to eat for before I went, took me to the store because we could smell smoke cigarets.

 

00:29:52:04 - 00:30:16:23

Unknown

We could smoke cigarets there. So I got a carton of Newports, and then rolled into the office. Dude. And, It was, I don't know. I mean, it was it was. I don't know what I felt at the time. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know what to expect or what to think, but, this guy named Nash, he was.

 

00:30:16:23 - 00:30:38:07

Unknown

He was doing the intake that day, and, I was always like, I grew up in church, man. Because this is this is a faith based program. So, like, I grew up in church. I never, like, didn't believe in God. I just thought God hated me. You know, a lot of us do that, and it's just like, why is this happening to me?

 

00:30:38:07 - 00:31:02:14

Unknown

But I did it, you know what I'm saying was my fault. But, I wasn't there, and, I was like, looking at this intake paper over going all this stuff. I will make sure to bring anything and all that, you know what I mean? And, I remember I couldn't I couldn't sign it, bro, because all my tears had dropped on it, and it was like it was all messed up the paper.

 

00:31:02:14 - 00:31:24:19

Unknown

And he just stopped and he was like, hey, man, can I can I pray for you? And, at that moment. I don't know, I just felt like everything's will be right, you know what I'm saying? I'm. I don't know how to explain it. I just felt like I had the way the world was on my shoulders, and then it was gone.

 

00:31:24:21 - 00:31:43:17

Unknown

And I was like, all right, well, you know, I'm here. I was like, okay, let's do it. When you were signing it immediately, I know the kind of just, like, better than me. But I know a lot of guys don't make it through rehab. Did you think you weren't going to make it out like when you were signing that paper?

 

00:31:43:17 - 00:31:58:23

Unknown

Did you think you were. This could be the last time you saw your family. I mean, yeah, I mean, there crossed your mind, so I had to it was a weekend. So I called you and taken into the dorms until Monday. So they had this room called hospitality. I was like two beds and like a shower in there.

 

00:31:59:01 - 00:32:28:18

Unknown

And, you had to sit in that room. And so I thought. I thought everything possible for those two nights, like it was. It was miserable, bro. Yeah, I was reading a story, books and stuff, but I was detox. And who's. I was just miserable, bro. How long has detox? It took me, like, almost two weeks. Fully like I was still, I never I didn't feel fine till, like, almost two weeks later.

 

00:32:28:20 - 00:32:46:08

Unknown

The first two nights before. Yeah. So I was up the whole time. This is in person. I was sober then, so I was. I couldn't cover anything up, you know? I mean, a lot of a lot of emotions, a lot of thoughts. I didn't know I didn't know what to expect was going to happen. Am I going to leave here or what?

 

00:32:46:09 - 00:33:07:19

Unknown

Because, like, at that time, I can honestly tell you, like, I could have met a stranger in there that's from there. And like, hey, we can leave, we can do this. I probably would've done it. And then I'd been homeless to stay in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, you know what I mean? But, but I felt like going through hell or purgatory or something.

 

00:33:07:21 - 00:33:34:06

Unknown

There's two days where you completely alone now? There's one guy there named Kevin. That's a cool story about Kevin. So he was the older guy or whatever. And, I was giving him cigarets and stuff, and I. I guess because we were in there together, we kind of, like, hung out together for a little bit, you know, getting kicked out because he had some I got pills in there, but he went even I go into another location.

 

00:33:34:06 - 00:33:52:16

Unknown

Right. So they formed us this homecoming every year for all the alumni. And the students are there now. They go to the main campus and like have this cookout like a softball tournament and all that. And, it was like over a year later, I went to the homecoming and Kevin was there. He had yeah, he had made it through the other one.

 

00:33:52:16 - 00:34:19:23

Unknown

He was like, I did my three days and went back to Wayne Beach. Yeah, it's pretty cool. But, Yeah, that's how that's how I got there. So I ended up there. So how was the I guess first you tell me a little bit about the statistics in rehab itself, because I know, when we talked for this, you said that like, a small percentage of people actually make it through life, right?

 

00:34:20:01 - 00:34:49:04

Unknown

I don't know. I don't know the exact numbers, but I can give you an example. Our very first day in phase one, the, the director of the place, them he was teaching that class, thing was like 80 something. People in there. And, the very first thing he told us was, he told me how many people were in there, and he was like, almost all of you were not going to make it okay.

 

00:34:49:06 - 00:35:13:22

Unknown

So for perspective, out of that 80, only 12 of us made it all the way through. Yeah, that's it for the ten months, ten months to a year. If you get if you come into a middle of a phase, before it switches, you have to do orientation for like the duration of the phase. So some people were there, some people were already there for like, I don't know, six, seven weeks.

 

00:35:14:00 - 00:35:35:00

Unknown

They started the program with me at the same time. Yeah. Just depends on when you get there. But they say it's ten months to a year. But during that time, though, for like the first four weeks of the program, you can still enter into a phase, like we were getting people in through there. So it's actually more they end up coming and not making it.

 

00:35:35:02 - 00:36:03:17

Unknown

But it's a very low number, I think. Out of all of us that are graduated. I know one of them. When I really good friends, he made it relapse, went back, and he's doing fine now. I know there's three more of us, or that's for. I only know for a fact that four of them are alive.

 

00:36:03:19 - 00:36:26:18

Unknown

For relapse. Yeah. I know a lot. A lot of them. Not even just from my class, but it's a lot of people I met down there in general. They're. They died. I got a list on my phone who I used to. I stopped making it because there's a group. Man. There's one point we get to in a four day stretch.

 

00:36:26:20 - 00:36:54:04

Unknown

I lost six people that, like I personally knew and talked to and hung out with. Yeah. To my to my very best friends down there. One of them, one of them died literally right after we got off the phone. When I, the another one died on Christmas Eve two years ago. So the numbers aren't great, you know what I mean?

 

00:36:54:10 - 00:37:18:04

Unknown

It's tough because they have they have numbers, everything. They have numbers. People that make it, how many of them would come back? And how many of them were actually died? And then I'm like, the smallest number of them all is the ones that don't ever come back. You know what I mean? What's the deciding factor? Do you know, or is there one like, I don't, I don't, I don't know how to answer that.

 

00:37:18:06 - 00:37:36:06

Unknown

I don't know. All right. You know, you see people in there, the I mean, they stay the whole time. But, you know, I guess it could be a mindset thing that had nowhere else to go. You get free food. You know what I'm saying? You got somewhere to sleep and shower and all that, and you just stick it out for ten months and don't really learn anything or don't change anything.

 

00:37:36:08 - 00:37:52:07

Unknown

Keep your mind set. Yeah, I, I got to a point. So after I graduate the program, I volunteer there for six months. Dude, I could have people that were under me, and I would, I would know I'm like, this guy is not gonna make it, or this one is when you have some I think I know surprise you, man.

 

00:37:52:09 - 00:38:16:21

Unknown

They just leave. What do you like? You know they're not going to make it work. What is it? It's the way they speak, like. Well, their attitude and their ability to learn like, you have some people that come in there, man. And just of, like, just got there when I want to tell people they should be doing this, doing that, or just quote the Bible nonstop and say it doesn't mean anything.

 

00:38:16:22 - 00:38:41:17

Unknown

Oh yeah. Like if why are you here? If you don't know that, why are you here? You know what I'm saying? You obviously having graphs. Why you're here. You know, man, that's a way to look at it. Yeah. It's, you know how you want it. It's. Yeah. And taking root right here. Right? And you have people that they, you know, really trying to dig in and do better and concentrate, you know what I mean?

 

00:38:41:17 - 00:39:04:08

Unknown

And come, come talk to me and ask me questions and all that. You know, they're actually try and, I didn't really start trying until like, phase two, though, for, for a while, I was just coasting, you know what I mean? I couldn't really leave. I knew my mom was coming. At some point, I was gonna try to convince her to, like, take me back.

 

00:39:04:09 - 00:39:23:10

Unknown

You know what I'm saying? All that. But I was I was in I was already in phase two before I decided, like, I wasn't really praying a journal. No, no, none of that. I just decided to do it one day. So I said this prayer, and, You know how to ask God. I argued with God.

 

00:39:23:10 - 00:39:48:08

Unknown

I would say a lot. So why am I still here? You know what I'm saying? What? Why would I have to go through all that? You know what I mean? I was still blaming him. But I prayed this very specific prayer at one time when I wrote in my journal, and I was pretty much as just telling them or ask them, I was like, you know, show me.

 

00:39:48:08 - 00:40:09:09

Unknown

That's like, you are real and that you actually care about me. And, dude, I got I was outside, so, like, they farm me, work on the compound, like you have to work there. But I was out there, and, this randomly, this guy was just like, hey, man, can I talk to you? I was like, yeah, what's up?

 

00:40:09:10 - 00:40:25:04

Unknown

I thought you said, like, borrow some furniture or something. You know what I mean? End up. And, he was just like, I don't know why I'm gonna tell you this, but, you know, God loves you, man. He's not mad at you. It was literally the next morning after I said that prayer is crazy because nothing has ever happened to me.

 

00:40:25:04 - 00:40:49:10

Unknown

I never had those conversations, never talked about it. Nothing. And, I then I was just like, all right, cool. I'm want to do it. I'm going to, you know, I mean, I'm competitive, bro. So part of that helped me. But I was like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to be here. So pretty much locked in and do what I supposed to do, try to try to learn as much as I could about why we act the way we do.

 

00:40:49:12 - 00:41:10:05

Unknown

You know, you have to uncover your issues like we did this, this incredible exercise called houses. So once you make it to the final phase, you put your whole life on the board, man. Everything that you've ever been through, that's happened to you. And you go over your life with people that are left in your class, and they sit there and they pick you apart.

 

00:41:10:07 - 00:41:30:18

Unknown

But it's it's freeing, though, because the people that really want to change, you know, they put everything your deepest, darkest secrets are all up there and you got to get it out. I'm doing my houses. And, when I got done, man, I fell. I just fell light like I was floating. It was crazy. Just like, you know, like he breaks chains.

 

00:41:30:18 - 00:41:48:09

Unknown

Like that's what it felt like, dude. Like it was. It was crazy. Like I was. I don't know how I felt, I felt I felt a high that wasn't from drugs, you know what I'm saying? I'm so, Yeah, man, I did my two months, met a lot of people. A lot of people came. A lot of people.

 

00:41:48:09 - 00:42:08:03

Unknown

There were people came back. But, after that, I stayed on what's called as one advanced student. One year. What's what it used to mean, but they were doing it six months at a time then, so I stayed there, volunteered. They give you so like, it's a huge compound and they got, like, apartments on and everything.

 

00:42:08:05 - 00:42:23:18

Unknown

So they give you an apartment with a roommate and, and you go and work in one of the, one of the places they have to work in. You're kind of like a leader there. Like, every department has an ass one there. So I had to use furniture place, which is was all the people that didn't know how to act.

 

00:42:23:20 - 00:42:38:20

Unknown

You always put them in as is and they don't work. Then you put them in the kitchen or maintenance. But, I know it was cool, man. It was cool. I got to see a lot of people grow it to be a part of their journey. You know, you got to a point where, like, I would, they would ask me to come be in their houses.

 

00:42:38:22 - 00:42:58:22

Unknown

I don't know them. It was it like I'm grateful for it. Now I end up staying down there for two years. So like I did, I did the full program to the full experience. And then I did the halfway house after, you know what I mean? And the work program after. And then I came back after pretty much the middle Covid really.

 

00:42:59:00 - 00:43:16:07

Unknown

They had this whole like, obviously they want people going out and bringing it back, you know, saying, you know, what it was at the time. So they were like trying to quarantine us. And I was like, I can't, I gotta work, dude. You know, I'm saying I don't I don't. So they let us work and eventually, like, they shut they shut Fort Lauderdale on South Fort down.

 

00:43:16:08 - 00:43:30:04

Unknown

We can do any they have no choice but to not spend money. Yeah. So I just had I had the money was I want to come back. So they want me to come back. At first which I get it. But I knew, you know, so I knew I was fine.

 

00:43:30:04 - 00:43:51:02

Unknown

real quick, I'd love to know a little more about the houses thing. I do want to go through, like, how it's structured and the whole phases. Yeah, but, what exactly is, like you said, you lay out your whole life, so you're in a room. There's there's a row of tables here. There's two rows of tables.

 

00:43:51:03 - 00:44:11:16

Unknown

And so there's this huge whiteboard on the wall. So they call it houses because you would break it off into sections of your life. Right. And that'd be like helpful and house to house. Three. I'm not sure where the model come from as far as what we did infancy. Like what your first memory. What first and you can memories, man.

 

00:44:11:18 - 00:44:34:19

Unknown

And, like, you don't obviously want to put down. Like I went to McDonald's today for the first time, you know what I'm saying? But, like, the first thing you remember and anything significant that happened to you at any point. Yeah. Like many, like childhood traumas and all that stuff. And and hardships and anything like that. And you put them all out there and then it's like, how do you do that?

 

00:44:34:21 - 00:44:55:10

Unknown

Oh, so when you walk through, so you go through everything on your board and then, then the floor is open and they ask you questions and they're like, okay, well what you did this here. Let's go back to here, which is probably why you did this, because you did it again here. You know, stuff like that. You try out, you try to learn where where your habits come from.

 

00:44:55:10 - 00:45:19:00

Unknown

Like where like we all the way we, we all learn from somebody. And whether we like to minimize our parents and they learn from somebody. And, you know, we all did the best we could with what we knew. But the idea there is to find it and break it, you know what I mean? Like part of that program was, was to make us better men and prepare us to be good men and good husbands, good fathers and all that.

 

00:45:19:02 - 00:45:41:05

Unknown

So, so it start with us. That was that's the idea of IT stuff. Yeah, that's the idea of it. Like generational curse. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. As they talk about their, their and everything, They, it helps you learn how to not deal with something like I used to deal with this this way. Now I don't, because that's going to cause this to happen.

 

00:45:41:05 - 00:46:00:00

Unknown

You know what I mean? So you want to stop. You want to find all the parents you can and stop? That's not how it is, bro. Being in those room. That room is crazy. How long does it take to get there? But. Well, we did it. We did one person each week. Oh, really? Yeah. So I guess it's forever.

 

00:46:00:02 - 00:46:27:15

Unknown

Yeah, it's a long session. Yeah. Well, what's it like to spend three hours like, I'm sure you weren't the first guys the first year, like. Hey. Well, I guarantee that's because of that. What's it like to sit there first and be like you? You're thinking about your story and you're like, I guarantee that I know exactly how I ended up where I am.

 

00:46:27:17 - 00:46:57:18

Unknown

Yeah. You just. Yeah. You you think that what what's like where there's similarities between everyone. Yeah. A lot of us. But so majority majority of of the ones that at least I saw an eyewitness and this is crazy because, like, I don't know, the statistic they went out with us to was whether you're some kind of like, father issue abandonment issue, or some kind of sexual trauma.

 

00:46:57:20 - 00:47:16:21

Unknown

No way. Yeah, that's the majority of them. But you sit there, man, and you watch. So you've been with these people already 8 or 9 months, you know, before you even get to this phase. So you already know what you think. Yeah. And then they do their houses and then you see this person in a completely different way.

 

00:47:16:23 - 00:47:37:11

Unknown

Like that guy might have pissed you off two months ago, but now you see, wow. You know, you learned it from there. You know what I mean? That's what I was going to say. This, we did, pre-marital counseling, and everyone's got to do it, right. We will. I'm sure we're fine. Yeah, we did it. And they take you through this?

 

00:47:37:11 - 00:47:52:17

Unknown

They call it the temperament test. The way it's called cornerstone counseling. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And they walk you through this temperament test, and it breaks down like.

 

00:47:52:19 - 00:48:18:01

Unknown

You know, you have stuff like eating and stuff. It's all based off of the trauma. But the temperament test, it's all about your life. The way God wired like you're already designed this way. And there's a few different categories. And it breaks it all down. And it wasn't until I got the results back and they're like, well, like, you're this.

 

00:48:18:01 - 00:48:44:21

Unknown

And, do you do this? I was like, oh, yeah, but do you think like this? And like, yeah. And it wasn't until then I was like, I'm not actually mad at Logan for things he's doing right. It's I'm just wired different. Right? Is. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Pretty much so like there's, I mean about something I do that houses you're like okay.

 

00:48:44:23 - 00:49:03:10

Unknown

When he did this to me, it's not because he's a jerk. He's done this his whole life. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Because you learned it from here or this him like this. So a lot a lot of it is like self-defense mechanisms, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, you experience. Right. All self survival, right?

 

00:49:03:13 - 00:49:32:16

Unknown

Right. So like, a certain trauma happens to somebody, they're going to respond this way or that doesn't happen again and it doesn't matter what it what it takes or what it calls none of that. You know what I'm saying? And stuff like that. So you start to work through that stuff after I personally. Yes. I mean, some people do, I knew I felt different after after I got out and a lot of that stuff I'd already discovered on my own, like I did a lot of work on my own there.

 

00:49:32:18 - 00:49:54:04

Unknown

There's a it's a biblical principle to like, yeah, confess your sins. Yeah, yeah, there's freedom in your testimony, right? There's breakthrough. Right? Help other people. Right? Because, I mean, I mean, there's a lot of people in there that went through almost the same kind of things. So it helps you. I mean, but, yeah, houses. Houses was a crazy experience.

 

00:49:54:06 - 00:50:08:21

Unknown

But there was so much anticipation to it to in and I it delivered and I it was it was what it was because you would see people that were ahead of you in the program already as they do their houses. You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, where's the what's going on here was always the houses. Today was like, so what?

 

00:50:08:22 - 00:50:31:20

Unknown

You know what I mean. Until you do it, it's it was, it was one of the most important days of my program there, for sure. You say you're like, yeah, it can be. Yeah, for sure. One of the most point in my life. Absolutely. It was a very powerful thing to do and to feel and experience.

 

00:50:31:22 - 00:50:39:16

Unknown

Would you say it was as powerful as the moment you sign that paper or walking into the facility?

 

00:50:39:17 - 00:50:59:10

Unknown

I never thought about that. I guess looking back. Yeah. I mean, that's mean. That's where the day that my life changed, you know, and then it changed again. Then I was almost the Christian right? Yeah. Pretty much. Once you do your houses, you're pretty much done coasting to graduation because all you're doing is getting everybody else through theirs.

 

00:50:59:12 - 00:51:29:06

Unknown

So what's your what was your experience like? Well, first like how are the phases broken down and what are your experience like going? Well, you really experience like freedom in that second. So phase one you're just you're just figuring out pretty much like why were there a lot of like self searching questions and, you know, questions like, how did they do that?

 

00:51:29:08 - 00:51:56:11

Unknown

There was one counseling session in the first phase. Yeah. It's like there all all the phases of art class classes. So like phase one is was in the chapel. Phase two was in this classroom over here. Phase three was in the same room as houses. We would just move and they did houses. And then phase four was a lot of like, classes on, like, how to be better, man, like, from every standpoint.

 

00:51:56:13 - 00:52:20:02

Unknown

And, and then houses. But the first phase, you're just trying to figure out, you know what? Why are you here? We're learning that, you know, we're doing these drugs or because we're filling a void. I gonna figure out what that void is. A lot of self searching work. Phase two was called. It's a it's a book.

 

00:52:20:04 - 00:52:44:10

Unknown

It's like a workbook. It's called the Alpha series. It was a lot about. How how we need to get to a point where, like, God, we allow God into our heart to allow him to work in us, and then we then reciprocate that, phase three was called it was a book was called A Power to Love.

 

00:52:44:12 - 00:53:05:08

Unknown

And that's just learning how to once we learned to love ourselves, you know, how do we how do we love other people? And then, like I said, phase four was mainly houses. Obviously was a lot deeper these phase of ten weeks. Yeah. A lot of homework and stuff to do, but nothing. I talk. Yeah.

 

00:53:05:08 - 00:53:30:16

Unknown

So you were in class, you would have chapel every morning. You get wake up lights on at five where we set up at seven. And then you would do your classes until, row nine. And then, then the farm opens up and you go to work. Phase four, you do your classes until 12, when you start a house, and house was pretty much, 8 to 12.

 

00:53:30:18 - 00:53:51:21

Unknown

Okay. Got it. So the whole place is around donations, right? So they have a, a used furniture store, which everything. And there's donated. They have a new furniture store, which obviously about that stuff above it, it's like a goodwill. It's called brick brac, but it's like a goodwill. Everything's donated there. And they had the kitchen and maintenance.

 

00:53:51:21 - 00:54:12:20

Unknown

So usually when you get that, you start in kitchen or maintenance. And then they had, The dagger. I just slipped my mom people that worked, like, say, somebody brought a fridge in and didn't work, and there was a shop that work on them. Yeah. Oh. Appliance repair guys. Yeah. And then everybody. Then there was the trucks driving me the trucks.

 

00:54:12:20 - 00:54:32:20

Unknown

So if you're lucky enough to have a license still, I it didn't, which I had a license to you would, you would get put on their insurance and you would get to leave the farm every day and drive the trucks. Yeah. And go pick up furniture. So I spent a lot of time moving furniture up and down 34 condos like that.

 

00:54:32:20 - 00:54:56:13

Unknown

That's tough work, man. But, and we we'd bring it all back and we don't load it, and they sell it. Yeah. So was that is having a job. Is that like pretty busy work or what. What what's the reasoning behind it. Well the main yeah I guess, but the main reason is it's a free program. So somebody has to work these jobs.

 

00:54:56:13 - 00:55:14:12

Unknown

That's how the farm runs. So you have almost unlimited manpower there. So if you're going to be here you going to work. But I mean it teaches you, you know, a good work ethic and all that. And depending on how you were and how you worked and stuff, depending on where you worked at, like if you had one of the crappy jobs or you work somewhere cool.

 

00:55:14:14 - 00:55:32:02

Unknown

Yeah. For like people that were good students and all that, they got to be on the truck. They didn't have a license. They could be on a truck as navigators and helpers. So, yeah. Like I said, that was a job back. You got to leave and you would get tips out there, man. So like, you can get to go to McDonald's and stuff and not eat the food there, you know what I mean?

 

00:55:32:03 - 00:55:53:19

Unknown

But, while you're there to everybody gets put on food stamps and then, the kitchen is donations from Trader Joe's, target, Panera Bread every day. Yeah. So that's how we ate. Good. That's all I was all right. Yeah. Like you had the same thing for breakfast every day. So, like, I don't eat eggs a lot anymore because I eat them every day.

 

00:55:53:21 - 00:56:17:05

Unknown

And then we had chicken leg quarters all the time, so I don't really care to read that again. They ruined it for me. But I worked at a quail plantation in the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, basically like a glorified dishwasher. Right. And everyone always talks about me in my bikini wearing bro. Yeah, I like oil. Well, 3 or 4 days a week or a year and a half.

 

00:56:17:10 - 00:56:37:02

Unknown

Yeah, I yeah, we had, we had chicken. That was every bro I don't want it okay, okay. I don't care who cooks it. I'm not eating it. I'm done with it. And eggs. All the eggs every now and then. Man I don't want two eggs. But, Yeah. So you worked. Everybody had to work, was earn your keep.

 

00:56:37:04 - 00:57:00:22

Unknown

We had, we had a canteen. So, like, we would we would definitely get paid for the canteen card. It was, $7, so each punch was $0.50. So, yeah, 14 punches, but every every morning be open, you know, get coffee. And this we have, like, snacks and stuff in there and you can it would open during lunch and it would open at nighttime before everybody had to go up.

 

00:57:01:00 - 00:57:07:03

Unknown

So you can get like snacks, like little frozen burgers and stuff and noodles and chips and sodas, all that.

 

00:57:07:11 - 00:57:33:17

Unknown

So what do you think makes the same answer successful? Like, I mean, I don't know how many people actually come out or anything like that, but they worked for you. This is the work hard. Some of your friends as well, right? I think the main thing is, man, you know, there's like, in a, in a, in these other programs, you know, that are secular and all that.

 

00:57:33:18 - 00:57:49:21

Unknown

Or the farm man, we were, you know, we were talked about we were missing something or missing a void. We're really missing. Jesus. Like, you know, a lot of aging stuff. Talk about, like, your higher power and this and that, and then, like, oh, your higher power could be a doorknob. That's fine. Don't do that.

 

00:57:49:21 - 00:58:02:04

Unknown

But it's not gonna work long term. But, you know, I. Just.

 

00:58:02:06 - 00:58:24:21

Unknown

I just accepted Jesus as my savior, and, like, I'm I'm nowhere near perfect now at all. But, you know, now you can say, like, I have more of a conscious. I try to do more of what's right. I try to help people. You know, if I can, I will, I'll try to do right from more.

 

00:58:24:23 - 00:58:41:22

Unknown

More. Now, like I say, I'm not perfect, but but that's only because Jesus came in and changed me. I used to not care about anything. I didn't care if I was going to wake up the next morning. You know what I mean? Whatever. I didn't care. But you have to do. You have to learn us what we're missing.

 

00:58:42:00 - 00:59:00:06

Unknown

And then that's the whole thing of a new creation, you know what I'm saying? Except you desire a new creation. So I believe in that wholeheartedly. The people that go there and actually receive that actually change, that's why it works. That's why I'm not a fan of in a, in a way like it works for people.

 

00:59:00:06 - 00:59:15:09

Unknown

Great. You know what I'm saying? I'm not knocking it. Not saying don't work, but when you're in those rooms, man, it starts out like with, I'm so, so when I'm an at it. I'm not saying that, bro. You know what I mean? That I'm getting. Right. So I want to see you in terms of magic all the time.

 

00:59:15:11 - 00:59:45:08

Unknown

You're the ones addict always so negative to me. And I'll get some. I'll get some slack for that, I don't care. I've said it before. I'll say it again. You know, but being that new creation and that new person, you learn a lot of a lot of ways to live like that, live life more like Jesus would, because through the prayers, a lot of forgiveness and a lot of love in that program, which is super important.

 

00:59:45:10 - 01:00:03:02

Unknown

I feel like the hardest thing is for giving yourself, but all that's easier, which, like, I would, I would journal, you know, I read the Bible, I would pray like I pray a lot now still. That's that's I learned that there I know that I can't ever turn my back on God because he never did on me, you know what I mean?

 

01:00:03:02 - 01:00:33:13

Unknown

And I know, I know what Keaton looks like without that in my life. You know what I mean? So we're just not going to go back to that. And, yeah, like I said, it works because of Jesus. You think that's kind of what separates us? Yeah. That make it stuff? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you can tell when somebody actually wants to change and actually wants to accept Jesus and wants, you know, you don't have to do anything.

 

01:00:33:13 - 01:00:52:09

Unknown

You just have to accept them, you know what I'm saying? And you have to obviously have to mean it. But I started I started to move in differently on my own. I did it without even thinking, you know. Yeah. Like, so we used. We're not allowed to play cards and gamble there or whatever, but I did anyway.

 

01:00:52:11 - 01:01:07:18

Unknown

You know, once I decide to lock in and actually do this and go forward with it, I didn't. I want to be around it. I wouldn't want to be a part or near anything that could jeopardize what I had going on. You. So like I said before, I wouldn't care. I was just doing it last week, you know what I mean?

 

01:01:07:20 - 01:01:36:18

Unknown

And you'll see people that, like I say, talk a big game, but they're the ones sitting out there gambling, too, you know? I mean, you can't do that, man. It's. I guess it's not really about following the rules, exactly, but it's more about what? About what would Jesus do, you know? I mean, and, one of one of my, one of my favorite things that we was taught there was, you know, a lot of people struggle with, like, why would Jesus want to want to help me?

 

01:01:36:18 - 01:01:52:04

Unknown

You know what I'm saying? I've been I've done this, this, this room, this bad, you know, in the Bible, Jesus with the sinners. Why would he be with people that didn't need them? They didn't need them. You know what I mean? We're exactly where we're supposed to be because he's where he's supposed to be. You know what I'm saying?

 

01:01:52:06 - 01:02:29:13

Unknown

So that, he came for the second right? Right. And that we are in need of a hospital, right? Yeah, exactly. There you go. Yeah, that that's a good way to put it. But. Yeah, man. So it's hard to explain, man, because, like I say, everybody's walk is different. You know, you're walking in Vermont. I just I knew, I knew, I knew that I change, I knew that it was it that moment where that guy, after you prayed that he said he's loved you.

 

01:02:29:13 - 01:02:33:21

Unknown

That. Is that really. That's where it started. But I knew that I changed

 

01:02:33:21 - 01:02:49:06

Unknown

after the way I felt about my houses. Oh, yeah, that was I was angry. I was mad at a lot of stuff that happened to me, you know what I'm saying? So a lot of stuff was unfair. I was angry, like I said, I thought God was a bully.

 

01:02:49:21 - 01:03:05:12

Unknown

I didn't I didn't feel none of that no more. At that moment, like I said, I got everything off my chest. I was I was ready to be different. I wanted to change. I wanted to do what I was changing the whole time. Yeah, but I think I accepted it then. You know what I mean? Yeah.

 

01:03:05:14 - 01:03:35:10

Unknown

And, the completion. Right. Walking through it. All right. So. And that's why it's hard to be an ass woman. Because I wanted to help people that I could. You haven't changed my mind or anything like that. I would do it in different ways. Yeah. Not literally. Yeah. One of the. I don't like, you know, I'm saying we're all pretty much hardcore dudes, you know, throw in a few choice words and a couple analogies, you know what I mean?

 

01:03:35:11 - 01:03:50:17

Unknown

It's like, come on, dude, get it together, bro. Yeah. But that's how a lot of us had to be talked to, you know, in a sense, what we're used to. And I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it it's what gets through, you know what I'm saying? You're trying to save somebody's addiction, man. You have to do.

 

01:03:50:17 - 01:04:10:08

Unknown

You have to do what you have to do. It's a tough thing to do. It's it's much easier to want it for somebody else before they want. And that's so frustrating, man. I used to really sometimes piss me off, man, because I'm like, dude, you have no idea how much better your life could be. I was like, I'm still here as an artist, but I don't have anything.

 

01:04:10:08 - 01:04:28:15

Unknown

Still, I'm much happier person, you know what I mean? Like, I'm excited for my future. Finally. There were times before I went, I didn't. I didn't care if I got caught stealing anything. I didn't care if I was getting locked up. Like when I was in jail, I was like, whatever. I'm just chillin, I guess. You know what I mean?

 

01:04:28:17 - 01:04:45:22

Unknown

There were times I would get home. Okay, this is it. You know what I'm saying? I'm, And that's. That's a man. It's such a terrible way to live like it. I said it was depressing. You were just depressed. But by the end of my program, my house is. I was free, you know, I knew that I was different.

 

01:04:46:01 - 01:05:11:16

Unknown

I was ready to go back out and live life. So, I mean, as a as when we're kind of in the same, same family. Yeah. That's a good way to put. I never thought about that. I'm looking down at someone else, just like they were looking to you. Right? Like someone right? Now, I never thought about that. So you're waiting for the.

 

01:05:11:18 - 01:05:35:05

Unknown

I said it's frustrating. But, you know, I got all my relationships back. You know what I'm saying? Hard that, My nana was all right. Everybody was hard. She. I said she was, like, my best friend. She never gave up on me. I think my dad was the hardest one. There was obviously trust issues and all that.

 

01:05:35:05 - 01:05:53:21

Unknown

And, I would come back, man, when I came back, like, we would. I was trying to we were trying to work together and do this and that for me about the Fedex and all that or whatever. And we would we would have times we would disagree and have these yellow matches because, you know, I know that I hurt him, you know what I mean?

 

01:05:53:23 - 01:06:08:02

Unknown

And I couldn't be mad at him for being mad at me. But I'm sitting over here like, dude, I'm different. You know what I'm saying? I just I just got back and you don't see it, but I'm trying to tell you I'm different. Like, it was stuff like that. It just takes time in all that takes time.

 

01:06:08:03 - 01:06:30:23

Unknown

They gave us an analogy. There's like. So you walk 25,000 miles into the woods, you don't just get the jump out. You got to welcome back, man. So the healing process is a lot longer than the program itself. You know, it's the program's not over once you graduate, bro. You got a long way to go. But,

 

01:06:31:01 - 01:06:40:10

Unknown

Yeah, well, thank you for story. For sure. Do. Thanks for having me, man. This the first time I actually shared it like this. Yeah, kind of nervous, but it's all good, you know what I'm

 

01:06:40:10 - 01:06:49:20

Unknown

saying? I think just because, like, how do you guys. I'm looking at a big farm or somewhere like it, you know, like I don't want.

 

01:06:49:21 - 01:07:14:17

Unknown

Yeah, they're like, they're either in the same situation you are where they're like, I'll go, but I'll take the whole way there. Yeah. Or you know, detox in there like I don't want to use for how many you guys are in that same situation. You see your story be like, you know, like maybe it impossible for me. I'm sure there's plenty.

 

01:07:14:17 - 01:07:31:09

Unknown

But it starts to get to a point where they're ready. You know what I mean? That's the hardest part is they got to find they they've got to have enough. At some point. I've had enough. Yeah. There's a difference with people there that have had enough. And the people that are like court order, like have to be there.

 

01:07:31:11 - 01:07:49:22

Unknown

They don't care. They ain't had enough. They just have to be there. You know what I mean? Everybody has a breaking point and it sucks. It's unfortunate, but you have to get there, you know what I mean? Like I said, I was I was 22 years old and I was homeless, and, I mean, they were very close, dude.

 

01:07:50:00 - 01:08:04:15

Unknown

And that's, that's sucks not knowing where you. I don't have no money. And I was going to eat, you know, then I'm going to stay that night. I didn't take a shower. Well, I don't even go to work more. That sucks. But, it can happen, man. I guess

 

01:08:04:15 - 01:08:08:01

Unknown

we should very quickly say something about where you are now.

 

01:08:08:01 - 01:08:29:06

Unknown

So you came back, and you left with. Yeah. No, I live with, pretty much. My godmother name is Amanda. Amanda Hall. She went through the same thing before me, though. Yeah. So when I came back, her and her husband, her family let me stay there for six months, and then, which I'm very great for.

 

01:08:29:06 - 01:08:47:14

Unknown

They're great people. She's very active in the recovery community here. I was there for about six months, like I said. Then I got, so I got my job back at Fedex, and I got an apartment. The la Fedex came to Cintas. I've been at Santos ever since, man. But, I mean, life to me is great, man.

 

01:08:47:14 - 01:09:03:14

Unknown

Like, I'm. I'm not struggling. I get to play a ton of golf. I got a dog that I love, you know what I'm saying? I get to get to have fun, and I don't worry about where I'm at. Eat or sleep or none of that. All my bills are paid, you know what I mean? You know, I don't really want for nothing.

 

01:09:03:16 - 01:09:31:09

Unknown

All my relationships with my families are good. I've been fortunate enough to be able to help people get down there and see them change and live better lives, man. And, it's it's great. I wouldn't I wouldn't be here if I never would've went there, that's for sure. So I know a lot of people that are in similar situations now that they come out of rehab, but they're just, you know, right, working the job and they got the house and everything.

 

01:09:31:09 - 01:09:59:15

Unknown

But I think really, I'm ungrateful when they have a walk with me. Right. Yeah. Right. If you see something like that firsthand or I mean, it was going in here where I was seeing the way people, you know, their everyday life put, literally sheets on sticks on the side of the road. Yeah. Or people, you know, and it's like, this is their house.

 

01:09:59:17 - 01:10:22:21

Unknown

Yeah. Still are here. That this guy goes to the bathroom next to the street. Busy, busy dirt road. Yeah. Complaining over dwarfism. Yeah, yeah. American sucks. You know what I mean? Yeah. Extra $7. Right? You at least you paid it, right? Right. Yeah. It's it's tough if you've never experienced. I'm like, I'm not trying to say I went through the worst time ever.

 

01:10:22:23 - 01:10:44:21

Unknown

But it was hard. It was tough. It sucked. But I'm now at a point where I'm grateful for it. I know where I don't want to ever be back again. And I've learned how to. I learned how to deal with life without trying to cope, you know what I mean? Does that drive you to stay successful or.

 

01:10:44:23 - 01:11:15:20

Unknown

I don't know, church in a job like that? Is that is that is that your driving factor? It does. So like when I like I'm not I don't go to church a lot, but I know that I should like I feel convicted about it. I want to I just I just want to go in a great city now, you know, so I just I've never had like that home church experience, you know, I mean, I never had it so yeah, pretty much, but, it definitely I just try to be numb.

 

01:11:15:21 - 01:11:36:13

Unknown

I just try to be the best man I can, and I fall all the time. But, you know, if I pick myself up from that, then I can do it here again. I'll be fine. You know what I mean? You know, when times get hard or something bad happens to me, you know, I, I don't have to go and find drugs and none of that.

 

01:11:36:13 - 01:11:54:07

Unknown

You know what? I do not pray, I just pray, I pray, and I'll wait because God never let me down. Then you know what I'm saying is not going to know. That's something I know. Yeah. So I was it man. Yeah.